Welcome to… Daddy Take Over! The monthly series where Mr iMummy (or shall we call him iDaddy?) takes over the blog and shares whatever he likes! (gulp)
(You’ve GOT to read this one to the end otherwise you might leave thinking he’s a Nimwit.)
#3: All is fair in love and parenting?
The (cave) Man’s perspective:
I go to work 5 days a week (sometimes more depending on the rota) spending 2 hours travelling to and fro – that’s 10 hours a day im not at home! Yet I’m still expected to do the dishes, feed the kids, put a few loads of washing on, tidy up after myself; on top of maintaining a relationship with my partner, alongside managing all of my other commitments. Now im not saying that I do all of these things, (not by a long stretch lol) it’s virtually impossible, but the expectation is there.
Not to sound to archaic, but if I’m doing what a “Man” should be doing, i.e. providing for my family – surely anything more is a bonus? No? Yeah I didn’t think so either. Look, all jokes aside, we have to accept nature. Men are hunter gatherers, women teach, love & nurture. No role is less or more important than the other – they are just different.
The female perspective:
I’m at home by myself with the kids all day, most days. I am the one who gets up in the night when baby J wakes up. I’m the one who’s up most mornings to give them breakfast. I clean, I cook, I wash, I teach – I do everything! Is it so hard for you to just chip in? Why is it always me who thinks of family activities to do? Why do I always have to suggest what to eat? Why do I always have to ask you 3 times to pick your clothes off the bathroom floor? Why? why? why? why?
To top it off, I work too! So don’t give me the “oh I work hard” speech – spend a week alone the kids, then tell me about hard work!
You are going where with your friends? Oh there as well! A third trip you say? And what about us? What are you planning to do with me? And the kids?
What’s fair is fair.
The honest answer to the conundrum of fair roles in the family structure, is no. iMummy has a much harder job. She is the one who has to be super human, who keeps on going even when tired and sick. The one who holds everybody up and keeps the family ticking. Her sacrifices are more than any others. Rarely seeing her friends, who are most probably in similar situations with families of their own, making a lunch date an event carried out with strategic planning just to accommodate all the children. A stark contrast to how the iDaddy can meet up with all of his friends (who ALL happen to be single), go on European weekend trips, go to the pub to watch football, HAVE CONVERSATIONS and go and play football weekly – all with ease.
The only way to find a medium, is for the Dad to occasionally THINK – be mindful of the Mum’s daily struggles, take the kids out more to give his partner time to herself and be more proactive in their relationship.
The old saying “happy wife, happy life” springs to mind.